Radio and TV personality Howard Stern told his Sirius XM listeners about the wedding of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, which he actually knew about in advance.
"They're so secretive those two," Stern said of the couple. "They contacted [Stern and his wife] and said, ‘Please don't tell anyone.’"
The reason why Stern was alerted, unlike most of the wedding’s other guests, who believed that they were attending a Wednesday-evening birthday party for Theroux, was that the actors wanted Stern to deliver a speech.
"I’m very friendly with Justin," Stern explained.
"I like him very much . . . I really admire him. I even said in my speech to them that if one of my daughters brought home a guy like Justin, I’d be very pleased. Except for tattoos, because he’s got some weird ones. . . . And except for the fact that I gave him a journal to draw in and he draws pictures of dead zombie babies with blood dripping out their head on almost every page. I said, ‘Those two things might disturb me.’ But aside from that . . ."
Despite previous rumors, Stern clarified that he was the only guest to give a speech.
"I had such a bad attitude," the anxiety-tormented radio host added. "I was wrecked. . . . When I went to their wedding, I felt like . . . death."
Rather than focus on the newly wedded couple, Stern said that he spent his 10-minute speech “whining” about how “miserable” he was at the event, thanks to uncomfortable seats and a strict no–cell-phone policy.
"They had these little tiny chairs . . . like poufs, like little pillow poufs," Stern lamented.
"I’m a grown man!" As for the cell-phone situation, Stern said that he told the couple, "I don’t want to take a picture of you two! I really don’t. I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get outta here!"
Despite the tone of the speech—which fits Stern’s anti-social persona on the air—the radio host said that guests enjoyed his rant. "People were laughing at my misery," he said.
Stern also revealed that Jimmy Kimmel served as the wedding’s officiant. And although Stern may not have had that much fun, Stern admitted that he did make a new friend—Orlando Bloom. "He’s like better looking than Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, and Tom Cruise all rolled into one," Stern gushed about the actor whom he did not recognize. "So I’m sitting talking to this guy—interesting dude. We’re hitting it off and talking for a long time. I said, ‘What is your name?’ He says, ‘Orlando.’"