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Freak-Outs That Can Actually Shape Your Relationship

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Freak-Outs That Can Actually Shape Your Relationship

According to an article on, freaking out and having a meltdown over your partner and/or relationship can be good for both of you!

Here are 3 of our favorite tips from author Amy Shearn who shows us how a freak out can actually work out:

You Can't Hear What He's Saying

I have a friend who told me that after seven years of rolling her eyes and getting grouchy whenever her husband says, "Calm down," she recently realized what he actually means by telling her to calm down. It's not, as she suspected, a passive-aggressive attack designed to make her feel rotten about her fiery temper.

After a particularly huge blowup (conveniently, in front of their couples therapist), she learned something life-altering: What her husband thought he was saying when he said, "Calm down," was —wait for it― "Calm down." She'd been responding to the way she would have said the phrase, as a barb. All of us need to arrive at this moment: When we learn not just to listen to our partners, but also to stop listening to ourselves talking over our partners.

You Find Yourself Saying, "You Want to Quit Your Job to Do What?"

Of course you want him to be as happy as he can be, and you think of yourself as a supportive spouse, and you love cinema as much as he does and you know he could make a great independent film. And, yet, when he announces that he would like to shake the dust off his feet (as well as the regular paychecks, matched 401(k) contributions and health insurance) and devote himself to making the movie he's always wanted to make, you're suddenly feeling not so supportive anymore.

You don't think of yourself as obsessed with money, but you're now somebody that has a mortgage and car payments and people who depend on you.

Which is when you figure out that you're scared—but so is he. And the only way for you two to end the fear is to figure what you both want, and what you're willing to do to achieve it.

You Do the One Thing You Always Swore You Would Never, Ever Do

Once upon a time, many years ago in a time BW (Before Wedding), you listened to a male colleague complain about his wife calling him approximately 75 times an hour whenever he went out with his friends. Naturally, you were horrified. You knew you would never be that kind of wife (whatever that meant to you).

Well, look at you now. Your husband's out until 3 a.m. with his old college buddy and you haven't called once—such restraint!—but you did text 83 times. Only on text message #84 do you get what this is about. It's not that you're checking in on him, or wanting to ruin his fun or being possessive. It's that you heard there was an accident on his route home. It's that you want to make sure he remembers about the 9:00 a.m. appointment with the accountant (that he scheduled).

It's that you heard his favorite song. It's that he keeps popping up in your mind because you miss him—and now that you understand this, it's time for you to go directly to bed.