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How to Stop a Divorce: Mistakes Couples Make and What to Do Instead

How to Stop a Divorce: Mistakes Couples Make and What to Do Instead

Every couple goes through some difficult times at one point in their relationship, most people start worrying and panic when things get out of control, which will only ruin your relationship even more.

Glamour magazine shared views and tips by Kim Bowen, a marital therapist and founder of Engage with Love coaching and the Power of Two Counseling center.

TIP: Forget "right" and "wrong”: The only way to sort out a serious relationship issue is to consider both sides, starting with his (assuming he's the one who wants to end it). "When people lose feelings of love for their partner, they often give up and believe they will never have those feelings again," says Bowen. In order to convince them otherwise, it's about showing, not telling.

  • Don't beg him to stay, give you another chance, or promise to change. This makes you appear desperate and is unattractive.
  • Don't agree to move out. A separation is a practice divorce. If your spouse wants to leave, you can't stop him, but you also don't have to be the one to go.
  • Don't talk about your spouse with family and friends. They'll naturally turn against him, and if/when you reconcile it will be tough to maintain those relationships. Also: Friends and family will often encourage you to leave the relationship. But they won't have to live with your decision. YOU will. If you're goal is to save your marriage, speak to someone with that same goal.
  • Do keep your anxiety under control. Exercise, talk to a therapist, and see a doctor to get medication if you have to. Why? Because anxiety will cause you to do things that aren't good for the relationship: lashing out, asking for reassurance, begging him not to leave, etc. Instead, focus on your own life and making yourself happy.
  • Do keep your communication short and sweet, and do the opposite of whatever you were doing that pushed him away. Don't respond to texts or emails immediately, have your own life, and when he contacts you, write back calmly and in as few words as possible.
  • The idea behind this is that, justified or not, something you were doing was making him not want to be in this marriage anymore. By flipping your behavior on its head (referred to as a 180 by many therapists) you can solicit a different response from him than what you were getting before.

In many cases, sticking to this script for a few weeks will result in your husband being willing to talk things out, and (hopefully) go to therapy. Of course, there's no guarantee he'll be willing to see things from your point of view, but at least you can show him your best side as a reminder of how things can be.

Source: Glamour Magazine

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