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How to Make Your Love Last

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How to Make Your Love Last

Huffington Post recently shared an article by Carolyn Gregoire titled: “The Psychology of Loves That Last a Lifetime”. 

And since every couple needs to work on their relationship to keep it strong and keep their love alive, here is some advice you need to follow:

  • Life-long romance IS possible:

Despite high rates of divorce, infidelity and marital dissatisfaction, it's not all hopeless, far from it, in fact. A 2012 study of couples who had been married for a decade, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, found that %40 of them said they were "very intensely in love." The same study found that among couples who were married 30 years or more, %40 of women and %35 of men said they were very intensely in love.
But don't be convinced solely by what these couples reported, research in neuroscience has also proven that intense romantic love can last a lifetime.
"The key to understanding how to sustain long-term romantic love is to understand it a bit scientifically," Durayappah wrote in Psychology Today.
"Our brains view long-term passionate love as a goal-directed behavior to attain rewards. Rewards can include the reduction of anxiety and stress, feelings of security, a state of calmness, and a union with another."

  • They maintain a sense of "love blindness”:

When we first fall in love with someone, we tend to worship the ground they walk on and see them as the most attractive, smartest and accomplished person in the room. And while we might eventually take our partner off of this pedestal after months and years of being together, maintaining a sense of "love blindness" is actually critical to long-lasting passionate love.
One's ability to idealize and maintain positive illusions about their partner , seeing them as good-looking, intelligent, funny and caring, or generally as a "catch”, remained happy with each other on nearly all measures over time.

  • They're always trying new things together:

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love, and successful couples find ways to keep things interesting.
"Novel and arousing activities are, well, arousing, which people can misattribute as attraction to their partner, reigniting that initial spark," writes Amie Gordan in the Berkeley Science Review.

  • They avoid neediness by preserving their independence:

Neediness is the enemy of long-lasting desire (an important component of romantic love), according to psychologist and Mating in Captivity author Esther Perel.
Neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships, which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability, damper the erotic spark, Perel explains.
But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.
So if you're looking to keep that spark going, give your partner the space to do what they're good at, and make sure to take the opportunity to observe them in their element, when they are "radiant and confident," says Perel.

  • Their passion for life carries over into their relationship:

Psychologists have found that a strong passion for life can help to sustain passion in a life-long romantic relationship.
The 2012 Stony Brook University study examining personality qualities that predicted long-term passionate love found that individuals who exhibit excitement for all that life has to offer are more likely to find success in their romantic partnerships.

  • They see their relationship as a journey together towards self-fulfillment:

Whereas individuals used to be more likely to look to marriage for safety and security, the societal standard has shifted such that more men and women enter into marriage looking for self-actualization and personal fulfillment. Such a marriage can be more satisfying for both partners, but requires each partner to invest more time and energy into the partnership for it to be successful.