You’re Engaged! Now What?
So you said yes! And you are both so very happy and excited to be embarking on this journey together. You’re thinking about the happily-ever-after, and suddenly, you realize a few things are getting in the way of that happiness! Here are some things you might be feeling or going through after getting engaged, and what you can do to confront these negative issues…
Did you just start realizing his little quirks?
When you first started going out with him, things were smooth and sweet. You probably didn’t mind or even laughed at his little habits and eccentricities. Now that you’re getting married to him, everything is becoming magnified! You start noticing every little detail and asking yourself, “Can I live with this?” “Can I handle that?”
The most important question to ask yourself is what you can accept and live with, and what you can’t and won’t accept. Once you define that line, you’ll be able to distinguish the little quirks and characteristics that make him who he is, and what habits he has that can develop into obstacles in the relationship. For example, if his tardiness gets on your nerves, take more time to get ready, and let him wait. Most importantly, just accept it for what it is, and don’t take it personally. However, if there is something that conflicts with your morals, or set of beliefs -for example- discuss it with him and work on a plan that will ensure it is solved before you get married.
Are your friends putting you down?
It is bound to happen! Once you get engaged, you are no longer a single gal. You will spend more time with your fiancé, getting to know his family, planning the wedding, furnishing your house, and so so many other time-consuming tasks! Your life is surely going to change, but that doesn’t mean you changed negatively! You might experience some friends brushing you off, or forgetting to tell you about plans. Others might constantly nag you that you’ve become so distant, and that you no longer have time for them because you’re so consumed with being engaged!
Try to remember that your getting engaged is a new experience for your friends too. Now that you’re engaged, they're reflecting on where they are in their lives. They might be jealous because they're still single or sad because they feel they are losing you. What’s important is for you to tell the difference between a friend who’s a little jealous, and another who is completely negative and toxic! Also remember that your friends -especially those who are still single- don’t want to hear about your cake tasting, venue choosing, house hunting, dress hunting, etc. At least not all the time! So make sure you ask about their jobs, families, and love prospects when you’re hanging out. And try to schedule them in when you have some free time away from the fiancé.
Are you turning into a nag, even though you swore you never would?
You promised yourself you would never be one of those girls that nag their fiancées about all these little details! Now, and after a mini-fight you had with your hubby about the centerpieces, you paused and noticed that you are doing exactly that, nagging!
Remember that the wedding, (whether you like it or not) means so much more to you than it does to him. It’s what you’ve dreamed of ever since you were playing with your Barbie at the age of 6. But he doesn’t necessarily get that. So find clever ways to get him to help out in things he does understand. For example, let him plan the honeymoon, or check out DJs or bands for the wedding.
Did you have “the money talk?”
Now that you’re planning the wedding, you will definitely be faced with a lot of money decisions that you will need to make together. Your attitudes towards money might be very different so you need to make sure you both understand your take and approach when it comes to cash.
The three main things you need to talk about when you first get engaged and start talking about your plans is how much your wedding budget is, who is actually going to pay for it, and how much each one of you is contributing to the house. Writing everything down, or saying it out loud to each other, will save you a lot of awkward undefined moments.
Are your expectations realistic?
Now this is a tricky one. Yes, as girls, we have been dreaming about this for as long as we can remember! How will the wedding be, how will your married life be, how many children are you going to have; all this is somehow already figured out in your head.
You need to sit with yourself and make sure your expectations are realistic. Let go of all those preconceived notions of how you expected this to be. “The wedding should be like this!” “My dress has to be Vera Wang!” “I am supposed to be over the moon!” Wrong, wrong, and wrong! Expectations can severely damage the present and let you miss out on a lot of good things! So try to shake them off, and live the moment!
Change is good…
Finally, you need to accept that marriage will change you. And hopefully, to the better. You will have a new outlook on life, and it starts the minute you decide to get engaged and tie your lives to each other’s forever. You will go from being self-sufficient and spontaneous to more cautious, settled and future oriented. And that’s okay! Don’t ever let anyone tell you not to change. You are expected to! You are letting go of a big part of your life that you’ve experienced as a single woman, and entering a new era like any other major turn of events in your life. Embrace it, live it, and love it!
